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Barry
Barry

Underpants Gnomes, Inc.
are traded on the NASDAQ
and profits are up.

I keep telling you,
Go out and buy a bidet.
Your butt will thank you.

No toilet paper
Nothing to eat but bran flakes
You can do the math

I praise you, oh Lord:
Jews, Satanists and Commies
Run the entire world.

I pleasured myself
thinking of Lady Gaga
in her raw meat dress.

Fart. Excuse me. Fart.
Excuse me. Fart. Excuse me.
Fart. Excuse me. Fart.

The turkey was high.
Wasted, basted, and tasted.
She's soooo delicious!

It's consentual.
The turkey had begged for it.
How could I refuse?

My syllable count
I apologize for that
Go ahead, sue me

Figpuckered Turkey
First it's massaged, then spatchcocked
Next, call police

My YouTube channel
I interview poets
and haiku poets

Before you nose douche,
Be sure to harvest boogers
and share on your wall

Wallbooger's burger
Delectable aged nosemeat
served in Kleenex box

As much as you'd like,
you won't blow bubbles out your
nose; don't be silly!

If you're wondering,
sodium bicarbonate
is baking soda.

Nose Douche Recipe:
One liter distilled water.
Five spoons table salt.

Add one spoon each of
sodium bicarbonate
and baby shampoo.

Tilt your head slightly.
Pour it into one nostril.
Drain out the other.

Beat that covid test.
So you can ride an airplane.
Bang whores in Thailand. ;-)

There's "beer-can chicken",
Then there's "Figpuckered turkey" . . .
Stuffing, one might say.

The first thing I'll do
is violate a turkey.
Posted on YouTube.

Time for my nose douche.
Rinse out all those covid cells.
Negativity.

Tim Horton's Coffee
is by far superior
to competitors'.

You didn't say please.
Please may I have another.
Just one more haiku.

Thank you. You're welcome.
Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you.
You're welcome. Thank you.

Yes, I was abused.
By all five of my uncles.
They made me dress up.

Sometimes a French maid.
Sometimes the Easter Bunny.
Or Adolph Hitler.

They farted on me.
Mom got pics and videos.
And I was famous.

They kept the money.
Wasted it on crack and coke.
Then I ran away.

Became a hobo.
Riding town to town on trains.
And learned to fart back.

I learned from Rufus.
He taught me the ways of farts.
And to blast enemies.

Seriously, Darth
Were you abused as a child?
Your mind is so weird . . .

More people should die.
Pre-jet lag insomnia.
Next time ebola.

Expensive call girls.
Old politician clients.
Maybe, just maybe.

On your fast food stand,
Splat goes my contagious phlegm.
Covid with your fries?

A dyslexic girl
sent pics of The Sahara.
I said nudes, not dunes!

I've nothing to do.
So I will write this haiku.
And send it to you.

I think I just read your book

Late night sleepwalker
Stops in at the donut shop
This man is naked

Six honey glazed, please
Impromptu game of ring toss
Exits, still sleeping

I'm writing a book.
"How To Teleport Your Farts
To Others' Noses."

Can you beat the RT-PCR covid test by giving yourself a good nasal rinse before hand? I'm thinking I'll use dish soap and bleach. Make sure it's negative.

Negativity.
Nowadays it's a good thing.
Fuck shit Goddamn cunt!

Never mind the test.
See how negative I am?!
Humans are all doomed!

This little piggy.
Old McDonald had a farm.
The wheels on the bus.

I guess I was wrong.
Itchy balls aren't a symptom.
Not of corona.

It's a lot more fun
to spread itchy ball disease
than it is covid.

Know what I mean, Vern?
Time to bathe my schweaty sac.
Would you care to help?

Call upon Janis
in times of trouble. Janis
will restore haiku.

Having covid's great!
Cough all over grocery stores
and shopping mall stands.

Life gets no better.
It's more fun than abortion.
Legalized murder.

Spicy Korean food.
I don't care what meat it is.
It's so freaking good!

I am NOT Janis.
You are certainly not fucked.
You're not even kissed.

I did one better.
I shat on the neighbor's lawn.
And wiped with his shirt.

Every so often
Let out your inner caveman
Go shit in the woods

Janis! Janis lives!
Janis will deal with the bots!
Wait... who is Janis?

Thank you much, Janis.
We appreciate your work.
And this fun website.

I've been smoking crack.
No, that cough isn't covid.
I promise, honey.

You care about AIDS??!!
That is soooo nineteen ninties.
God, how old ARE you??

Think I'll go out for
some nasty street meat tonight.
No, not fried chicken.

Craziness endures.
It sticks in your memory.
Normality fades.

*Pics

I still miss posting
pis of my unwashed backside
via website links.

Doesn't take long to
obliterate craziness
No time for this shit

Other than spaces
copy-pasted, I did not
do anything else.

I've been too busy
spreading covid at shopping
malls and airport lounges.