12 hours ahead.
But 200 years behind.
You have to see it.
by Soon I will get out.
What time is it there?
It's like talking with someone
who's from the future
by Starkitten of Tuesday
When you're all alone
solving those math equations.
Mathturbation?
by Noticer of How's your eyesight?
Fusion energy.
With enough beans it might work.
Intense compression.
by 2 H-1 ==> He of Flatus does have a bit of H2 gas in it.
I'm no scientist
but if I reverse the charge
your plan might backfire
by Phone of in the bathroom
If you want fart calls,
I will accommodate you.
It doesn't cost much.
by $2.99 per minute. of 1-800-HOT-TOOT
Yes, I despise Alf
If I give you my number
will your fart call me?
by Sk
Medicinal crack.
Prevents getting stressful jobs.
It's my brain, my choice!
by blahblahblahblahblahblah
Chihuahuas are weird.
Eyes look different directions.
Snort like little pigs.
by Feed them to crocodiles!
Murdered anyone?
Have you ever robbed a bank?
Made a prank phone call?
by My friends and I used to call people and play a recording of our farts and ask them to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
Okay, I must ask:
How many cats do you have?
And do you hate Alf?
by I know you do.
Have you ever seen
conjoined twin dyslexia
South Park episode.
by It's a classic!
I'll be on the porch
I may try to get you high
by remote catnip
by Let me know if you feel it of Suggest some tunes
I'm a defective
I just pick up things sometimes
Not a detective
by Starkitten
I'll eat cereal
with my headless conjoined twin.
Fucking holidays.
by Noticer of Suicidal ideation
I miss Thanksgiving.
Grandparents, uncles, cousins.
Good homecooked dinner.
by Johnny, don't play with yourself under the table cloth!
You are so stupid.
All holidays are plastic.
Nothing more is "real".
by Plastic bought with plastic by plastic people. of Death to America! Jihad! Jihad!
You know me too well.
I don't really mind, of course.
Who do you work for?
Government agent?
Private investigator?
Pervert revenge squad?
Do your worst, my dear.
These days I just yearn for death.
Too long in this world.
Cyanide capsule for emergencies.
Can't wait to go back to Thailand. Good food and anything I would do seems half-way normal compared to the outright debauchery and decadence in that crazy place. And not locked in by ocean.
I would love to see the deep jungle. Wild tigers and giant snakes. I might make a good snack.
by Darth Go Ahead and Jump! of JUMP!
Dancing with Grandma.
Lot of work digging her up.
We shared some whiskey.
Can the dead trip balls?
I laced her drink with acid.
We will soon find out.
by Funky familial fiestas.
Customer service?
Found a hair in my candies
Oompa Loompa pubes!
by Anonymous Poet
It's a lot of work
Inserting a razor blade
in every apple
by Busy
I pick Black Sabbath.
Their music is biblical.
The Lord likes that band.
by War Pigs of Prophecy
Halloween is shit.
Typical U.S. blowout:
Plastic and sugar.
by Hypoglycemia of Made in China
I tried Thorazine
It was back in the 80's...
It made my brain crawl.
by It Was Not Prescribed of Not Fun
The one that we pick
is your Halloween costume?
I pick Van Halen
High on Wonka bars
wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt
It's Darthula Roth!
Doing the backflip
Scaring old people at mall
The obvious choice
by Noticer of Rocktober Surprise
Pick one:
Ozzy Osbourne
Motley Crue
Van Halen (with David Lee)
Led Zepplin
Pink Floyd
by This is NOT a test.
God hates all poets.
Not just the ones who write here.
Yes, even Shakespere.
by He told me this. of Then kicked me in the balls. God is vengeful.
Had too much to drink.
Ate balot with vinegar.
Barfed up duck fetus.
Now I'm one of them.
Next week we do human flesh.
Maybe Halloween.
Cannabalism,
mushrooms and lots of good rum.
Life gets no better.
by At least it's not meth!
A clean asylum.
Sanitary sanity.
Nurse Ratchet's undies.
by Here, have some thorazine. of Excellent vintage.
Ladies' room trashcan.
Unsanitary napkins.
Vampire tea bags.
by You are NOT the father.
Sale! Bad Haiku Merch
Signed Figpucker coffee mug
Unsanitary!
by Noticer of Side Hustle
He wrote things backwards
Leonardo Da Vinci
!! SKCUS OIRPACID
by Bass of Ackwards
I just looked into
Gizzards of cassowaries
A dangerous bird
by Anonymous Poet
The gizzard, also referred to as the ventriculus, gastric mill, and gigerium, is an organ found in the digestive tract of some animals, including archosaurs (pterosaurs, crocodiles, alligators, dinosaurs including birds), earthworms, some gastropods, some fish, and some crustaceans. This specialized stomach constructed of thick muscular walls is used for grinding up food, often aided by particles of stone or grit. In certain insects and molluscs, the gizzard features chitinous plates or teeth.
by Are you happy. of Wickedpedia
The Bible needs more.
Oh so many modern sins.
Hawaiian pizza!
by Is there a level of hell deep enough for Hawaiian pizza?
Jesus loves us all.
Even if we write haiku.
One amazing guy.
by Isn't that something!
I heard a buzzing.
It's a giant mosquito!
No, Mary Poppins.
by I bet Leonardo never thought of that flight method. of ... or did he?
Yuppy women say,
"I think I'll do a latte."
I'd like to see that.
One way to get wet.
Minor emergency burns.
Those urban legends.
by Vinte Grande Vagine of Cavernous caffeine chaos.
Mary Poppins twat
The flapping makes her fly
over the rooftops
by Chimney sweep of Now stuck in chimney with an unfortunate boner
Thirty years ago
I worked for a bakery
Now I just get baked
by Gatita estrella
I don't "do" donuts.
Tried it once, it's too sticky.
Croissants, however...
by Butter 'em up!
Father, forgive me
I thought this confessional
was the Men's restroom
Forgiven, my son
But did you have to wipe your
ass with the Bible?
by Holy Shit
What is a gizzard?
by Anonymous Poet
How much coffee
are you guzzling over there?
What about doughnuts?
by Concerned
No one knows this, but
there's a fox living on top
Donald Trump's head
by We're Both Rabid!! We stink!! of Greasy balls and fast food
Woke Halloween. Masks
are inherently racist.
But whiteface is cool.
by Blackface Minstrel of Culturally Appropriate Attire
Halloween Costume!
Simon and Garfunkel suit
Fits all conjoined twins
by Central Park Squirrel
Old and wrinkled now
Manson Family Reunion
Witchy Golden Girls
by Movie Ranch of Death Valley
The Manson costume
Go for the hippie love beads
or orange jumpsuit?
by Truck or Treating of Cielo Drive
Meat Lovers' Pizza
Eat the delivery guy
this Halloween night
by Ding Dong of doorbell
