Swallowed by a whale
Will Moby Dick shit us out?
This is all your fault

2703

We will haiku you.
You will get haiku'ed SO hard,
Won't know what hit you.

A bunch of gay clowns.
Gene Semens can lick it up.
Not even music.

You watch PBS
Philippines Bird Sex Channel
I've seen your tweets, bro

You'll never keep up
with me and my sisters, Darth.
But we think you're hot.

Don't you watch Nova?
Big bird has a cloaca
I'm bending over!

If Big Bird's anus
could be seen when he bends down,
I'd watch PBS.

Many other Popes,
in their Glorious Wisdom,
have wanted my Schlong.

If the Pope wants it,
I will send him my Grand Schlong...
But it isn't bald.

When I fart, you'll hide
Twerking helps ease out the gas.
Watch my sick moves, dawg

Philippines hide out
Vatican wants Darth's bald schlong
For reliquary

Darth is C.I.A.
He is a secret agent.
Agent of farting.

But do not forget
Her Ethiopian Highness
The Queen of Sheba

Somali women:
Prettiest in Africa
But missing something...

I've never been to 'Nam.
I'm thinking buy war trinkets.
And sell them back home.

Gun shows, flee markets,
maybe ebay and... oh fuck it all, I'm tired of counting. Viet Nam does sound interesting. This so called pandemic won't last forever.

Thailand is quite nice.
Ladyboys are annoying.
But the food is tops!

The ancient palace,
artwork, fruit stalls, fried insects,
and of course hookers.

Oh, I'm not hiding.
And I get around a bit.
Mogadishu's next.

Darth: a famous man
Hiding out in Philippines.
We all wonder why.

I snorted some bleach.
If covid was up my nose,
I'm sure it's dead now.

Hello, my name's Darth.
And I'm a vaccine addict.
It's been just two days.

Seriously though.
I wonder if anyone
is overdosing.

Freebase Sinovac.
Drinking Johnson & Johnson.
And snorting Pfizer.

Pay your bills with farts
and leave your wallet at home
Free Fart Assessment

Preoccupation
is a job you have before
you get a real job.

Your job is farting.
Natural gas producer.
You get paid in beans.

Hallucinations
Preoccupation with farts
Haiku-17

Oysters Darthafeller
That's just the appetizer
Wait for the main course

And for my next trick.
(Don't try this at home, ladies!)
Banging a stingray.

I never minded
when the lobsters clamped my schlong.
It kind of tickles.

But did you ever
get venomous sea urchin
quills in your testes?

Dip in the ocean
Ruined by a hefty lobster
Clamped to the penis

A vegan for years
He suddenly craved seafood
with all the fixings

When Donald Trump said
"Shithole countries," he was right.
Just stay where you are.

Spread peanut butter
on penis. Roll in birdseed.
Befriend many birds.

Do you have any
coupons for butt lubricant?
You keep fucking us!

Farts, boogers, and poo.
The best topics for haiku.
Porn's worn and forlorn.

Use spell-check, doofus.
Your boring porn paragraphs
Are full of errors.

Haiku's BACK, bitches!
Let's make haiku great again.
(don't alert the bots)

Old Father Christmas
Can't fool me with those sandals
I know you're Jesus!

Sitting on your lap...
C'mon, nail holes in your palms?
Jesus had reindeer?

Look on the bright side.
Darth Vader's not your father.
And neither am I.

A full spray paint can.
A blazing hot fire place.
At least no one died.

My exploding balls.
Hang them from your Christmas tree.
Burning down The House.

Darth Vader never
had an apprentice 'cause he'd
be Master Vader.

All lies are the truth.
I flung my spooge at the screen.
Fox and CNN.

I hope it's covid
as I spit on door handles.
They deserve to die.

Nothing's more cringey
than using the word cringey.
PC cunt crackers.

And don’t come back here
With that bad cut-and-paste porn.
It is SO cringey.

Old earth or young earth ?
What are they hiding and why ?
Atlantis revealed . . .

It's all a big lie:
Radio-carbon dating...
Pure propaganda!

Miscounted syllables.
Holy shit, I did it again!
Oh well.

Janis is now "away".
On vacation in Thailand.
With lots of hot boys.

Maybe this whole site
is Darth Figpucker's madness . . .
There is no "Janis" (?)

Dang Mukbang gangbang
Drop your pants and let it hang
Cool breeze on your whang

Yeah, wow, this is nice.
Maybe I'll die of covid.
That would improve things.