Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
29 Years, 68 Days and 78031 Haiku later...
Horrible poetry for the digital age
29 Years, 68 Days and 78031 Haiku later...
All lies are the truth.
I flung my spooge at the screen.
Fox and CNN.
I flung my spooge at the screen.
Fox and CNN.
by
I hope it's covid
as I spit on door handles.
They deserve to die.
as I spit on door handles.
They deserve to die.
by of Yes, you too.
Nothing's more cringey
than using the word cringey.
PC cunt crackers.
than using the word cringey.
PC cunt crackers.
by
And don’t come back here
With that bad cut-and-paste porn.
It is SO cringey.
With that bad cut-and-paste porn.
It is SO cringey.
by of Tech-bots SUCK
Old earth or young earth ?
What are they hiding and why ?
Atlantis revealed . . .
What are they hiding and why ?
Atlantis revealed . . .
by of Critias
It's all a big lie:
Radio-carbon dating...
Pure propaganda!
Radio-carbon dating...
Pure propaganda!
by of Permian Die-off
Miscounted syllables.
Holy shit, I did it again!
Oh well.
Holy shit, I did it again!
Oh well.
by
Janis is now "away".
On vacation in Thailand.
With lots of hot boys.
On vacation in Thailand.
With lots of hot boys.
by
Maybe this whole site
is Darth Figpucker's madness . . .
There is no "Janis" (?)
is Darth Figpucker's madness . . .
There is no "Janis" (?)
by of Proverbial Fig Tree
Dang Mukbang gangbang
Drop your pants and let it hang
Cool breeze on your whang
Drop your pants and let it hang
Cool breeze on your whang
by of a hurricane
Yeah, wow, this is nice.
Maybe I'll die of covid.
That would improve things.
Maybe I'll die of covid.
That would improve things.
by of So sayeth The Lord.
Wholesome poetry
The Bots can't tolerate it
They've been defeated!
The Bots can't tolerate it
They've been defeated!
by of Everlasting Fruit of Old Willow
Don't have a bidet
I just used the garden hose
I smell like a rose
I just used the garden hose
I smell like a rose
by of Fertilizer of the Garden
Bidet clean up time.
That's a very good question.
Too many factors.
What food did you eat?
Is it solid or sticky?
What's your anus like?
Do you like the spray?
Enjoy playing with water?
You know it feels good.
It's anywhere from
ten seconds to three minutes.
Get the most of life.
After clean up I
often get a second wave
of turds coming out.
Why on earth is that?
I guess it's because I'm old.
Never did before.
Here is my answer:
You'll have to try it and see.
Report back to us.
That's a very good question.
Too many factors.
What food did you eat?
Is it solid or sticky?
What's your anus like?
Do you like the spray?
Enjoy playing with water?
You know it feels good.
It's anywhere from
ten seconds to three minutes.
Get the most of life.
After clean up I
often get a second wave
of turds coming out.
Why on earth is that?
I guess it's because I'm old.
Never did before.
Here is my answer:
You'll have to try it and see.
Report back to us.
by of No cheating.
If you write haiku
that are then about haiku,
that's lazy writing.
And that offends God.
It also offends Satan.
And nobody cares.
We'll all burn in hell.
When there, I'll scream my poems.
Pain and agony.
I'll scream, you'll scream, we'll
all scream for ice cream, melted
poo flavored ice cream.
A flying demon
pooping ice cream into cones
of toilet paper.
Hot melted sugar
clings to your skin, searing flesh
in the flames of hell.
that are then about haiku,
that's lazy writing.
And that offends God.
It also offends Satan.
And nobody cares.
We'll all burn in hell.
When there, I'll scream my poems.
Pain and agony.
I'll scream, you'll scream, we'll
all scream for ice cream, melted
poo flavored ice cream.
A flying demon
pooping ice cream into cones
of toilet paper.
Hot melted sugar
clings to your skin, searing flesh
in the flames of hell.
by of Don't even ask about the birthday cake in hell. You don't want to know.
Is Figpucker God?
If so, I present to Him
this humble haiku
If so, I present to Him
this humble haiku
by of Kneeling
Tureen of goat meat
Seen in my drunken stupor
Your unflushed toilet
Seen in my drunken stupor
Your unflushed toilet
by of Shitty Stall
How long does it take
For the clean up procedure
using a bidet?
For the clean up procedure
using a bidet?
by of Waiting
According to you
I've offended all the gods
with my poetry
I've offended all the gods
with my poetry
by of Weeping under Old Willow
Fortuitous fart
From across a crowded room
You followed the scent
From across a crowded room
You followed the scent
by of Currying your favour
God does not love you.
The world sees the things you've done.
You will burn in hell.
The world sees the things you've done.
You will burn in hell.
by of Much worse than burning, yeah?
I don't speak Russian.
Nor do I sell porn novels.
Go ask your mother.
Nor do I sell porn novels.
Go ask your mother.
by
Penis-shaped package.
And cash on delivery.
You call that discrete?!
And cash on delivery.
You call that discrete?!
by of Next time get my name right.
Haiku poetry
Delivered fresh to your door
Discreet packaging
Delivered fresh to your door
Discreet packaging
by of 17 Syllable Way, just past the Old Willow exit
Dark, yellow urine
You thought it was lemonade
Asked for a refill
You thought it was lemonade
Asked for a refill
by of Rest Area
Hey, cut/paste text-bot:
Captcha my package, dimwit.
(Dull algorithm)
Captcha my package, dimwit.
(Dull algorithm)
by of Live-birth Mammalian
I'll use your bidet
Do you ride it like horse?
'Cause I've got the trots
Do you ride it like horse?
'Cause I've got the trots
by of Washroom Flushing Downs
Jumping roof to roof
Clearing obstacles with ease
Familiar Horseface
Clearing obstacles with ease
Familiar Horseface
by
God! He sneezed on me.
Emotional tragedy!
I think I will sue!
Emotional tragedy!
I think I will sue!
by
No, i don't want your boilded bananas nor your rainbow feather dusters. Get out of the street.
by
Like veggie burgers,
haiku that don't mention poop...
What the hell's the point?!
haiku that don't mention poop...
What the hell's the point?!
by
Wish you could see it.
Public restrooms with bidets.
Civilization!
Public restrooms with bidets.
Civilization!
by
He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
by
He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.
by
But seriously
Sometimes there are poems here
that don't mention poop
Sometimes there are poems here
that don't mention poop
by of them
Gina Carano
can use you for a butt plug.
Fart you into space.
can use you for a butt plug.
Fart you into space.
by
Then move to Asia.
Hire Flippos to wipe you.
Thirteen bucks a day.
Hire Flippos to wipe you.
Thirteen bucks a day.
by of But I dont know if airlines take 600 lb people.
No, that's unicorns
Like a horse but with a horn
(Whinnied from next stall)
Like a horse but with a horn
(Whinnied from next stall)
by of Oats
Six hundred pound life.
Phenomenal manure pile!
But, can't reach to wipe
Phenomenal manure pile!
But, can't reach to wipe
by of Bog roll
I thought transformers
can use the women's bathroom.
Rainbow colored poo.
can use the women's bathroom.
Rainbow colored poo.
by of Https://https.com
It's not so dusty.
Don't believe me? Ask the Pope.
But he always lies.
Don't believe me? Ask the Pope.
But he always lies.
by of Especially in poor places. Just a joke.
He shat with such force
He turned himself inside out
And wiped his nose clean
He turned himself inside out
And wiped his nose clean
by of Washroom
Fiber One
It will flush you out.
So that you can flush it down.
Good for colon health.
It will flush you out.
So that you can flush it down.
Good for colon health.
by
Mother Teresa
washing out her dusty snatch
Ever had that dream?
washing out her dusty snatch
Ever had that dream?
by of Dreams
How many bran flakes
does it take to make you poop?
Ate one too many
does it take to make you poop?
Ate one too many
by of of Underwear
Plant pornography
Turning over a new leaf
Turning on the hose
Turning over a new leaf
Turning on the hose
by of Better Hoes and Gardens
It hasn't stopped yet.
This toilet's overflowing.
Pressurized sewage.
This toilet's overflowing.
Pressurized sewage.
by
The bot stopped posting
It's a haiku miracle
God Bless Bad Haiku
It's a haiku miracle
God Bless Bad Haiku
by of Old Willow Mental Hospital
I'll stay here on earth.
Zero g pooping's a mess.
And hard to squeeze out.
Zero g pooping's a mess.
And hard to squeeze out.
by