Cloud-pearls on Fuji . . .
Swaying bamboo grove of dusk . . .
Time to snort crystal!

Hey thar uncle Clem:
kin you git these Chinamen
offen muh front porch?

Samurai haiku:
Carp singing in cherry tree...
paradise was gained.

Commit sepukku:
Stick the haiku in and twist.
That's REAL poetry.

You stupid gaijin,
You can't even write haiku;
Smelly white monkey.

You prose invaders
will soon feel Haiku’s full wrath.
Haiku does not run.

When Angie got home
She found someone left a hint
A Summer's Eve douche

I know who it was
Patrick Swayze's ghost intrudes
Molds your dink like clay

Brought it on yourself
He watched you dirty dancing
at the Jollibee

Not a restful sleep
Sleep number is sixty nine.
even during naps

It was her moment
They were all hot for Teacher
She fingered her slit

He had been depressed
but she ignored the signals
and kept racewalking

Brenda's sad haiku:
Menopausal sister's screams...
sterile suicide.

Hot car mechanic
Slid out from under my car
with a huge boner

ATTENTION ! Haiku.
We make haiku in this place.
Less syllable please.

What about space head?
Will your spooje just float along?
Space dinks always hard?

I've a yin for yen
yang poon Tang orange breakfast drink
think pink stink skate rink.

I bought a dildo.
I thought you would enjoy it.
But you just want cake.

I feel important
Never been an apprentice
I feel like boasting

You will not act like
Evil Dark Lord Figpucker.
There can be just one!

It should be legal
To cook and eat your children
if they are naughty.

Or the neighbors' kids.
Or just kids in general.
Now I am hungry.

The fecal transplant
What if it makes me act like
that Darth Figpucker?

You could very well
have health issues if your farts
have a bad odor.

Perhaps you need a
fecal transplant to restore
intestinal health.

I'll be your donor.
Tell your friends and family
that I gave you shit.

Just one more question
Does fart smell indicate health?
How are you alive?

Flatulence is art.
When compared to these haiku.
Just to clear the air.

Just letting you know
None of this was in the lease
Give deposit back!

All people should die!
And dye their hair bright purple.
And pretend they are gay.

If we murder God,
who can we blame for our faults?
Surely not Satan!

Homemade pasta sauce
over whole wheat spahetti
and tiramisu.

Scrambled eggs with lox.
Unlocked breakfast potential.
And bloody mary.

I want a cupcake.
Chocolate with coffee icing.
And an espresso.

He lifted his kilt
We saw the Loch Ness Monster
playing the bagpipes

You no have tickee
You no gettee bad haiku.
Cash only. Chop chop.

You writee some strange.
You make too much ficky-fick.
You are stupid guy.

I saw cheese wrappers,
haiku written on napkins,
and tiny condoms

Hey, how did you know
we went to the beach today?
A seagull told you?

Don't you just hate it
Seagull ruins day at the beach
Flies off with my cock

A high, whiny voice
is how most of them would sound
if they had a mouth

Or what if dinks
had a face identical
to the man attached?

Wouldn't it be great
if penises had a face
like a cartoon dog

Neighborhood Dark Lord
Borrowed a cup of sugar
He stole my sweet soul
So sweet. Woke Wilfred Brimley
from his long dirt nap

Nothing but dead fish,
plastic bags and raw sewage
choking up the bay.

I sincerely hope
covid will save the planet
from these gross humans.

I might also add:
If your God was merciful,
you'd not read my lines.

Incorrect again.
I do not sin; I am sin.
Relinquish your soul.

Our first date
was when you randomly called
and breathed in my phone

Out with your waffles.
Fie upon thee, most vile knave.
A wretched bard, thou.

Figpucker has sinned.
He has written bad haiku.
God is merciful.

QGW4UT8JN9WGIQKWXF www.google.com Where are you located ? I want to come to you one of these days

I'll have one pancake
Side order of twat waffles
And a large coffee

The waitress smiled.
She returned with a platter
of human sausage

Just went to IHOP.
They were highly offended.
Ordered twat-waffles.