It should be legal
To cook and eat your children
if they are naughty.

Or the neighbors' kids.
Or just kids in general.
Now I am hungry.

The fecal transplant
What if it makes me act like
that Darth Figpucker?

You could very well
have health issues if your farts
have a bad odor.

Perhaps you need a
fecal transplant to restore
intestinal health.

I'll be your donor.
Tell your friends and family
that I gave you shit.

Just one more question
Does fart smell indicate health?
How are you alive?

Flatulence is art.
When compared to these haiku.
Just to clear the air.

Just letting you know
None of this was in the lease
Give deposit back!

All people should die!
And dye their hair bright purple.
And pretend they are gay.

If we murder God,
who can we blame for our faults?
Surely not Satan!

Homemade pasta sauce
over whole wheat spahetti
and tiramisu.

Scrambled eggs with lox.
Unlocked breakfast potential.
And bloody mary.

I want a cupcake.
Chocolate with coffee icing.
And an espresso.

He lifted his kilt
We saw the Loch Ness Monster
playing the bagpipes

You no have tickee
You no gettee bad haiku.
Cash only. Chop chop.

You writee some strange.
You make too much ficky-fick.
You are stupid guy.

I saw cheese wrappers,
haiku written on napkins,
and tiny condoms

Hey, how did you know
we went to the beach today?
A seagull told you?

Don't you just hate it
Seagull ruins day at the beach
Flies off with my cock

A high, whiny voice
is how most of them would sound
if they had a mouth

Or what if dinks
had a face identical
to the man attached?

Wouldn't it be great
if penises had a face
like a cartoon dog

Neighborhood Dark Lord
Borrowed a cup of sugar
He stole my sweet soul
So sweet. Woke Wilfred Brimley
from his long dirt nap

Nothing but dead fish,
plastic bags and raw sewage
choking up the bay.

I sincerely hope
covid will save the planet
from these gross humans.

I might also add:
If your God was merciful,
you'd not read my lines.

Incorrect again.
I do not sin; I am sin.
Relinquish your soul.

Our first date
was when you randomly called
and breathed in my phone

Out with your waffles.
Fie upon thee, most vile knave.
A wretched bard, thou.

Figpucker has sinned.
He has written bad haiku.
God is merciful.

QGW4UT8JN9WGIQKWXF www.google.com Where are you located ? I want to come to you one of these days

I'll have one pancake
Side order of twat waffles
And a large coffee

The waitress smiled.
She returned with a platter
of human sausage

Just went to IHOP.
They were highly offended.
Ordered twat-waffles.

Time to buy some fruit.
Distract oneself from junk food.
Save money for crack.

All I know is that
I don't know what's going on.
My God I'm so high.

Why cant viruses
just make us hallucinate
instead of hack blood.

Emu Overlords
will dance upon your dry bones
eating your children.

Spend all day watching
Bubble Guppies and Blues Clues.
But not Peppa Pig.

Whats the backup plan?
Tritesticularity.
Gives you clarity.

I grow weary of
cassowary and ostrich
leftover sandwich.

I knew an emu
who grew blue tofu for stew.
Makes fluorescent poo.

planet eat sandwich
sophisticated tuba
poncho with fragrance

Prime roast emu
Ostrich and cassowary
Disagreeable

You heard correctly.
Emus -- those big fucking birds.
Dinosaur throwbacks.

As bad as life gets,
you disgust me more than I.
Go buy an Uzi.

I flushed myself down.
Yet I'm too fat and buoyant.
Lingering floater.

The fledgling business
manufactures vibrators
and dildos for birds

Are you sick of life?
Flush yourself down the toilet
No one will notice

Each and every poo
Transforms into Bad Haiku
Posted here for you

Jollibee rest room
Man claiming to be poet
claims it's his "office"

The neighbors were gnomes
When someone walked by the house
they exposed themselves

He was feeling bored
So he deep fried his penis
Genital Corndog

Your taint is a swamp
Greasy balls=bad influence
and that guy's a dick