Cows do not smoke grass
It passes through their four stomachs
They do pass loud gas
by Fart Farmer of Fart Farm
Cookbook for the Stoned
Top gift for the budding chef
at one with the couch
All the recipes
can be prepared while lounging
using just one hand
by I. Ambaked of You should get baked too
"Covid" is control.
They will milk the cow to death,
Then sell you the milk.
by Stop Masking
Stoned Extroverts
Conversations with Potheads
Stoned Introverts
by A. Bongasbigasthesun of Superbaked
Look, here comes Fauci
Everyone pull up your pants
and social distance
by Noticer of Details of Bad Haiku Boom Boom Room
Fung Fung make jig-jig.
Raise big money for the Dems.
(And she swallow well).
by Eric the Red of Cali Cartel
"Get a room!", they said
Germs spewed on every surface
Make Covid sexy
by U. Cleanitup of Getting Busy
What grew overnight?
What unhealthy fungal blight
at this sickly site?
by Fung Fung of Fun Guy
One plus one is two.
That's about all I'm sure of.
Sometimes I have doubts.
by DW dink injection. of $8.99 at Walmart. No therapeutic claims are made.
The War on Christmas
Flamethrower to Santa's ass
Reindeer steaks tonight!
by Lump O'Coal of Stocking
If I get the "shot"
Will it improve my math skills?
Is there a booster?
by Warped Speed of Under the bewitching spell of Darth Figpucker
If you can survive
what comes out my scabby "dink"
you'll survive covid.
by DW of If you get several whores at once, it's cheaper per whore!
Bending over now
A seventeen syllable
salute to you all
by Like that Norman Rockwell painting of Doctor's office wall
Free Vaccinations
for all Bad Haiku poets
(really just Darth's dink)
by Next of In line (in your dreams)
Corona saves lives.
Because you're not going out
doing stupid shit.
We need a real germ.
A virus that kicks some ass.
Flesh eating butt slime.
Maybe a smart germ.
A germ that targets poets.
And politicians.
by Huwan Wuhan
The way you lean back
and take a sip of that nog
Fuck me, Santa Clause
by Noel of No Tell Motel
Cartwheel Cartwheel split
What an unfortunate time
for the urge to shit
by A. Changeofpants of Physically Phit Butt Plastered With Shit
Sometimes you have to
plug your nose and keep going
Try Cunnilingus
by Cunnilingus Cunningham of Flying Aer Lingus
You asked for poems
So I looked inside myself
and haikued this out
by Regular Haiku Poet of Under old willow
Anything you say
Martha Raye at your service
Call me the Big Mouth
by Horny Ghoul of Whenever. Wherever.
Oh thou, vile Dork Lard
We bow down and worship Thee
(Because you're SILLY)
by Silly Billy of Absolute Maleficence
Take out your dentures.
Polygrip sticks to your mask.
And to pubic hair.
by No teeth guaranteed. of You dirty old whore.
Infidelity
If you don't think about it
It has its good points
by Side Piece of On the side
Having a hard time
Administering blow jobs
with this Covid mask
by Pearl Drop of Fresh Breath
Why are you a pig?
You should be in a sandwich.
Except you're rancid.
Diseased and toxic.
We'll throw you into a pit.
Bury you alive.
by H1N1 memories of Flame throwers more appropriate.
Perfect hemispheres.
Longboarding ladies poo stance.
Sexy butt silly.
by Rear view lip slip.
It was quite calming.
Electrified testicles.
Not shocking at all.
by Go ask your daughters.
I thought about it.
Blueberries shot out my schlong.
Here, have a muffin.
by Blueberry stud muffin. of Pig in a blueberry blanket. Ganja muffin. Puffin' on the muffin.
Whilst eating yoghurt
Think about the name Wadsworth
Report back to me
by Your Assignment of To Do List
I'll impregnate you.
Just by using the Dark Side.
I am a Dork Lard.
by Darth Whorendous, The Dork Lard of The Shit.
I'd go out with you
Just think of that poetry
But no touching, Darth
by Secret Admirer of Under old willow
Asian prostitutes.
Economical plane trips.
Where's our money gone?!
by Bert & Ernie of And you thought we were gay. Ha!
Chicks dig the haiku.
And white hair. And beer belly.
Believe me (in verse.)
by Supermodels Kill for My Haiku
Spewing syllables
Hot poet ejaculate
Was it good for me?
by A. Lone of Messy
Haiku statistics
There's just one poet on here
It's masturbation
by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed
Oh my God, ya think?!
Chicks do not like poetry?
They like cock and cash?
by I'm a middle aged pervert b/c I'm middle aged. of Young men are not perverts, they are young men... Unless they're poets, that's pervy.
There are no chicks here
Sausage party circle jerk
Of middle aged creeps
by Jesus of Jonestown
Unlike you, my friend,
I'm not here to pick up chicks.
Stud muffin poet.
by dw of Go be attractive somewhere else! ;-)
genital humour
repetitive as herpes
just as attractive
by ash
Crushed fiber glass with
Carolina reaper juice.
Inside your Fleshlight.
by DW of Banging jellyfish again... they sting sooo good!
Decrapitation
Like a hot knife through butt crack
Pooping is a joy
by Anonymous Poet
Decapitation
Like a hot knife through butter
Except it's a head
by William Butler Yeast Infection of Vancouver, Candida
I'm over here, Darth
Pretend like you don't see me
I'm not wearing clothes
by Me of Over Here
What is the best food?
I maybe cook some for you
Feed you like infant
by Chef Bon Bon De Souffle'
Big truck pulled up front
Darth Figpucker residence
Fleshlights forever
by Noticer of Details of .Being nosey
Sliding the sausage
slowly back in the casing
A Happy Ending
by Yes'm of Essem
Break the programming!
Smash the globalist control
By being a LOUDMOUTH !
by Alex J. of Rapidly Expanding
It's WORLD-WIDE people:
Seventeen Seventy-Six!
(Now buy my products.)
by Alex Jones of Controlled Slopposition
Cleetus . . . hey Cleetus !
Federal agents done took it;
Done took my haiku.
by Damn Rebels of High Hill Country
Flying penises
impregnating young virgins.
Those Goddamn hippies!
by Alex Jones of Homosexual Amphibian Sanctuary
