Newfangled weddings
Newlyweds must fornicate
In front if the guests

You in Alaska?
Does that mean you fuck grizzlies
As well as penguins!

I am bipolar
So I can't get a sex change
cuz I'd change my mind

Your wife walking in
When you're getting your dick sucked
Is embarrassing

Beer in the baker
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Bun in the oven

The evil weevils
are half the mass of flour
in the Philippines.

Weevils in the flour
Jizz icing from a bent spoon
Crullers In poop chute

Which would be better;
donuts made from beer batter,
donut flavored beer?

Baked whole-grain donuts.
Organic non-GMO.
Homer Simpson screams!

*Hands over the list.
Sorry, it might be messy.
You've had your shots, right?

I have to say it:
Gives new meaning to "shit-list".
You can't read Coptic?!

Make a list for me
Everything you can think of
Shove it up your ass

Translucent blue tang
Swimming in my toilet bowl
Fishing with my dick

Chinese factory
New job order plastic gnomes
This time with buttholes

Way too much farting
That where the marriage went wrong
During love makings

Way too much farting
That

Tits,boobs,breasts,knockers
Whatever one may call them
They're nice to suck on

Try something different
Open faced tuna sandwich
Pumpyourschmeckle bread

The smell of moonshine.
Can't you hear those old banjos.
Come here, sweet cousin.

Breakfast decision.
Twat waffles or cunt pancakes.
Cheese-stuffed shlong sausage.

Pig in a blanket.
Only it's ass sticking out.
Hog-tied, so to speak.

Methamphetamine.
Drinking coffee's gotten old.
Delightful twitching.

Arkansas special.
Sausage in ham in blanket.
Condom optional.

Courtney Love's herpes
Starting at eight thousand bucks
auctioned on Ebay.

Shotgun salvation.
Hollow point revelation.
Dum-dum Nirvana.

Giving HIV
was a good April Fool's joke.
No apologies.

Celibate people
Don't have nearly as much sex
As those who get fucked

People always whine

Hasn t happened yet
Never had one at my door
A real live midget

Hasn

Hidden camera
Wow, when no one is looking
You do funny things

went to a restaurant
Served imitation crab meat
Paid with play money

I farted five times
Then I farted seven times
Farting five more now

Saying I had AIDS
Was a cruel April fools joke
I apologize

The Haiku Police
Are coming to get you Darth.
We watch live on COPS!

Hot dog ministry
Brings everyone to the yard
Zip up your fly, please

No faking it here
I wear a midget strap on
He just keeps licking

You're in good standing
Trump has a micro chone
Don't sell yourself short

I've a tiny dick
If you fake your orgasm
I will understand

Precise measurements
Just the right amount of poop
One heaping pants load

My dinner haiku
I ate an enchilada
Now drinking water

What what in the butt.
I said what what in the butt.
I think you know what.

Vlasic pickle stork
Do men find him frightening?
Asking for a friend

If you poop too much,
then you should try to eat less,
the doctor told me.

Chewbacca's penis
Full frontal in all movies
Shoe Jar Jar Binx taint

Would you have written
Star Wars any differently
and if yes, how so?

America dead.
Or unrecognizable.
Except pop music.

Good that it's over.
Freedom is too expensive.
Now we are all slaves.

In Japanese porn
they will show assholes but not
pussies or cocks, why?!

Brian Wilson's taint
Funny place for graffiti
"Wilson Phillips Rules!!"

Four beers plus Beach Boys:
I am now at my wits end
America. Tears.

"Can you cut your nails
before you finger me please
unlike my husband?"

Cardiology
Haze of anesthesia
Dr. Keef Richards?

pleasure of Bonsai
Double flowering cherry
Conjoined twin virgins

And for the first time
In all the years they were wed
He said something nice