I bet you've never
eaten out of a trash can.
Get away from me!

What we need is more
terrorist activity
on domestic soil.

Fear is delicious.
The masses under control.
They'll do anything.

Do not insult poop.
I'm sure it tastes way better
Than (barf!) candy corn.

Soft porn unicorn
God danced the day you were born
You poop candy corn?

Hornsea Nudist Beach
If you look very closely
you might see a horn

You've been working out
That poetry muscle's huge
Been doing pull ups?

I am a member
of the Fitness Erection
Program/Men's Hair Club.

Just when you sit down
To a nice Sunday dinner
Gramps has to let wind

Elvis Costello
+ Robert Downey Jr.
= Tom Bosley

More like Abbott and Costello.

I can't remove it.
I already ate the cheese.
Went straight to my thighs.

You're kind of a mixture of Robert Downey Jr and Elvis Costello

Your ass isn't fat
Sir, remove the stolen cheese
Our cameras saw you

What the hell is a mathemetcian supposed to look like????
And I am NOT a mathemetician!
I am just a math whore. A hack.
I don't even have a math degree.

Gray hair and fat asses.
No glasses as of now. Sorry.

You don't look like a mathematician

Remote viewing. I'm not very good at it, but the name gave me a signal I get like hard to describe but for some reason when you said Morris I could see an image of you. I know you have dark hair and glasses

You and your bidet
"enjoy the rest of your day'
as the cashiers say

Sounds like a nerd name.
How about Chad or Kevin?
Have you seen "Slevin"?

What is it you feel.
If you tell me, I will squeel.
My skin you can peel.

Morris is a cool name

Going for a poo.
That's what I'm going to do.
Be thinking of you.

Yes, Morris the Cat
When I hear the name
Morris
I get a feeling

Bit early for church.
Too many sins to confess?
Got an early start?

Underneath the tail
A self cleaning poop car wash
Why can't we do that?

Nine lines, three haiku.
Nine lives, cheap cat food, Morris.
Fine dine, canned dog stew.

Dog yelps make me drool.
A Pavlovian response.
Chinese lab tech perks.

9 lines of blow

Seven cups of Joe
And I'll have lines of blow
Please make that to go

You say "dog", I drool.
Been in Asia far too long.
I fart oolong.

Cloaca tickler
You have the right to remain
silent. (Bluto did it)

You went bird hunting?
Here's my poultry recipe:
Pheasant under ass.

Dogs startled by farts
chase their tails in circles
Do wolves act like this?

Legal cannabis.
China's scheme to bring us down.
Too stoned to fight back.

Ruthless little gooks.
The invasion will be swift.
All crackers will die.

You think it's not true?!
Corona was just the start.
Better nuke them now.

Pigeon on Sunday
Post church bird execution
Squib Featherplucker

Artisan meat stick
You are a tasty morsel
Darthcuterie board

I do believe that
the most racist restaurant
is Cracker Barrel.

You are so edgy.
Using the N-word like that.
Jappos would approve.

Isn't it strange how
Asians will hide from the sun
so not to be dark.

Such odd behavior.
Little yellow vampires.
Stealing others' souls.

But their twats are tight
and their prostitutes are cheap.
What more could you ask.

Waiting room. Bored stiff
Incessantly tumescent
under fluorescents

I have lost again.
Please consume my stinking corpse.
I'm no sore loser.

But please rate my corpse.
On a scale of one to ten,
How was the flavor?

All male orgies
are nowhere near as gay as
pumpkin spice latte.

I have won again!
Now to consume the corpses.
Your haiku corpses.

Haiku was once gold.
But through reverse alchemy
Haiku is now lead.

Call the S.P.L.C.
Seriously, call them now.
They owe me money.

Hey now, no racism.
Only blacks can say nigger.
And you are not black.

Haiku worse den crack.
Yo, I'm serious, nigger...
Haiku get you HIGH.

Monsieur, je vous dis
Que vraiment vous etes un con
Entre tous les cons.

Janis, Janis, HELP !
They are being mean to me.
Please censor them, please!

We had to spay her.
We didn't want the Rockettes
in our living room.

About that pet rock:
Mine was from the rock shelter.
We toilet-trained her.