Farts, boogers, and poo.
The best topics for haiku.
Porn's worn and forlorn.

Use spell-check, doofus.
Your boring porn paragraphs
Are full of errors.

Haiku's BACK, bitches!
Let's make haiku great again.
(don't alert the bots)

Old Father Christmas
Can't fool me with those sandals
I know you're Jesus!

Sitting on your lap...
C'mon, nail holes in your palms?
Jesus had reindeer?

Look on the bright side.
Darth Vader's not your father.
And neither am I.

A full spray paint can.
A blazing hot fire place.
At least no one died.

My exploding balls.
Hang them from your Christmas tree.
Burning down The House.

Darth Vader never
had an apprentice 'cause he'd
be Master Vader.

All lies are the truth.
I flung my spooge at the screen.
Fox and CNN.

I hope it's covid
as I spit on door handles.
They deserve to die.

Nothing's more cringey
than using the word cringey.
PC cunt crackers.

And don’t come back here
With that bad cut-and-paste porn.
It is SO cringey.

Old earth or young earth ?
What are they hiding and why ?
Atlantis revealed . . .

It's all a big lie:
Radio-carbon dating...
Pure propaganda!

Miscounted syllables.
Holy shit, I did it again!
Oh well.

Janis is now "away".
On vacation in Thailand.
With lots of hot boys.

Maybe this whole site
is Darth Figpucker's madness . . .
There is no "Janis" (?)

Dang Mukbang gangbang
Drop your pants and let it hang
Cool breeze on your whang

Yeah, wow, this is nice.
Maybe I'll die of covid.
That would improve things.

Wholesome poetry
The Bots can't tolerate it
They've been defeated!

Don't have a bidet
I just used the garden hose
I smell like a rose

Bidet clean up time.
That's a very good question.
Too many factors.

What food did you eat?
Is it solid or sticky?
What's your anus like?

Do you like the spray?
Enjoy playing with water?
You know it feels good.

It's anywhere from
ten seconds to three minutes.
Get the most of life.

After clean up I
often get a second wave
of turds coming out.

Why on earth is that?
I guess it's because I'm old.
Never did before.

Here is my answer:
You'll have to try it and see.
Report back to us.

If you write haiku
that are then about haiku,
that's lazy writing.

And that offends God.
It also offends Satan.
And nobody cares.

We'll all burn in hell.
When there, I'll scream my poems.
Pain and agony.

I'll scream, you'll scream, we'll
all scream for ice cream, melted
poo flavored ice cream.

A flying demon
pooping ice cream into cones
of toilet paper.

Hot melted sugar
clings to your skin, searing flesh
in the flames of hell.

Is Figpucker God?
If so, I present to Him
this humble haiku

Tureen of goat meat
Seen in my drunken stupor
Your unflushed toilet

How long does it take
For the clean up procedure
using a bidet?

According to you
I've offended all the gods
with my poetry

Fortuitous fart
From across a crowded room
You followed the scent

God does not love you.
The world sees the things you've done.
You will burn in hell.

I don't speak Russian.
Nor do I sell porn novels.
Go ask your mother.

Penis-shaped package.
And cash on delivery.
You call that discrete?!

Haiku poetry
Delivered fresh to your door
Discreet packaging

I think Darth's the bot

Dark, yellow urine
You thought it was lemonade
Asked for a refill

Hey, cut/paste text-bot:
Captcha my package, dimwit.
(Dull algorithm)

I'll use your bidet
Do you ride it like horse?
'Cause I've got the trots

Jumping roof to roof
Clearing obstacles with ease
Familiar Horseface

God! He sneezed on me.
Emotional tragedy!
I think I will sue!

No, i don't want your boilded bananas nor your rainbow feather dusters. Get out of the street.

Like veggie burgers,
haiku that don't mention poop...
What the hell's the point?!

Wish you could see it.
Public restrooms with bidets.
Civilization!

He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.

He lost his dandy,
Yankee Doodle messed his drawers.
Donald Trump rejoiced.

But seriously
Sometimes there are poems here
that don't mention poop

Gina Carano
can use you for a butt plug.
Fart you into space.

Then move to Asia.
Hire Flippos to wipe you.
Thirteen bucks a day.

No, that's unicorns
Like a horse but with a horn
(Whinnied from next stall)

Six hundred pound life.
Phenomenal manure pile!
But, can't reach to wipe

I thought transformers
can use the women's bathroom.
Rainbow colored poo.

It's not so dusty.
Don't believe me? Ask the Pope.
But he always lies.