Sleep paralysis
Someone check on Zuckerberg
(my first Facebook friend)

Did he unfriend me?
My obnoxious duck face pose?
All my cries for help

Chickpeas and yogurt.
Washed down with kambucha tea.
Here comes the thunder!

So which is it?
Kambucha tea? Vinegar?
They taste just the same.

Censors even here
just for mentioning the Jews
(and Jesus was one)

Separate servers.
You'd think they'd know the value.
I poo golden eggs.

I'd poop on the run,
but my poop has a great smell.
They'd chase me faster.

zuckerberg announced:
"facebook is shut down for good,
go to badhaiku"

facebook, instagram
servers are all down today
badhaiku? it's fine

god im so horny
i need cuddly soft tiddy
mommy save me

Ward off predators
Perhaps the ones who stand still
have smellier shit

Animal crossing
Some will poop while they run
Others will stand still

How many humans
shit on the run? Do you know?
All in the timing

Internet outage.
OMG, we'll all soon die!
Be living in caves!

One pound of cheese please.
And I'll do... seven haiku.
And a tall latte.

Make that iced latte.
Low fat with simple sugar.
And whipped cream on top.

I'm squatting right now
I'll be out in a minute
No toilet paper!?

Eight bucks for coffee
You'd think a mathematician
wouldn't fall for that

I'm selling haiku
Just fifty dollars for you
I'll throw in some cheese

Franconia Notch
White Mountains of New Hampshire
That old man fell off

Old man of mountain
Mist upon the distant hills
Now where's my damn phone?

What kind of sandwich?
I'd have a roasted turkey
with lacy Swiss cheese

Eight dollar coffee.
Twenty dollar sandwich. Whore.
Haikuized 4 U.

Time for another $8 coffee and a $20 sandwich and not enough left to buy toilet paper but that's okay b/c I've been taking diet lessons from the old man with fragrant and flowery poo in the hopes that I can sell it and make some of that yuppie coffee shop money back and even have some left over for those nasty street hookers that are way hotter than the girls back home anyway, and probably cleaner.

I won't do triplets.
Genetic diversity
is quite important.

Did you ever squat?
I mean inhabit a house
that's been abandoned?

Squatters are awesome.
They never have to pay rent.
And have all the rights!

He doesn't use leaves.
In fact, he has never wiped.
He doesn't need to.

His shit doesn't stink.
It kind of smells like roses.
Or air freshener.

Snap out of it, man!
You've been staring at land
for who knows how long

They tried smelling salts
Hot triplets jerking him off
But he kept staring

Until the one day
Mudslides destroyed the village
The mud smelled funny

Because it was shit
The old man smiled and waved
Wiped his bum with leaves

Meet Oscar Mayer
His face made from bologna
Lunchable in pants

Walking on water
Repairing busted sandals
Healing dead people

Driving for Uber
Delivering for Door Dash
Selling my plasma

The ancient old man,
with beard as long as his arm,
looked upon the land.

His face carved in stone,
he's still there looking today.
None know for how long.

Nor does it matter.
They're happy on the mountain.
Enjoying the view.

A duck or a frog,
which do your farts sound like more?
Or some kind of mix?

That's not what it means
When it says that "He hardens".
You ARE a pervert.

Romans 18:9
Look it up, filthy sinner.
Ha ha ha ha ha

How is it hanging?
And who have you been banging?
Co-vid wants to know

Don't pee in the sink.
That is not sanitary.
So sayeth the Lord.

I won't fart feathers
if I stop eating balot.
Goddamn Tanduay.

Now I am going to do my breakfast, once having my breakfast coming over again to read additional news. products for blemished skin clogl.prizsewoman.com/map5.php

Situs Judi Slot:
Cleverly-veiled Jewish slur.
ADL will hear.

Five syllable fart
Add seven fart syllables
Squeeze out five more

Darth farting feathers
Figpillowfight sleepover
Let's paint our toenails!

Filipina whore:
Hungover with Balot egg.
Darth farting feathers.

I must obey now.
I am remotely programmed.
I must write haiku.

She's putting on airs.
My sex doll's full of herself.
She's blowing me off.

Prithee my good man,
Scribe some immortal verses.
Make them about cheese.

Viva la cumbia!
Mejor onda musical.
Que bailen todos.

Employees wanted
Full time. Clean rental sex dolls.
Exp. scrubbing hardened cheese

It's a haiku high:
Greatest of euphorias.
Just count syllables.

Make sure your subject
Is morally upright, pure...
Like Figpucker's verse.

It's just a lamprey
Really, it's just your penis
having a bad day

Bouquet of flowers
12 chocolate dipped strawberries
A gift for your schlong

Change your attitude
It's the little things that count
Practice gratitude

It may sound far out
Or a little bit woo woo
Do unto your dink

They invented what,
Haiku? I don't get your point...
It's a Jap thing, no?

Do you suppose that
the Chinese invented this
like they did covid?

Something bit my arm.
The infection keeps growing.
It's starting to sing.

But it has no mouth
into which I can put my...
well, you know what.

Have I discovered
a sentient leprosy
or am I crazy?

Bologna's awesome.
You can do fun things with it.
And it's so healthy.

It has a first name.
And it has a second name.
Not Oscar Mayer.

After it has died
it's name is Robert Paulson.
Help me bury him.