After playing God,
God always punishes me.
He can't take a joke!
What a fucking jerk.
He make the platypusses.
Why can't I have fun?!
by Always two there are -- no more, no less.
My room is dirty.
Ants are drawn to spilled coffee.
Sometimes they bite me.
Then I torture them.
That's why I spill my coffee.
So I can play God.
by Seriously! I'm not joking!
Brie or camembert?
Emmental if it's sunday.
Holier than thou.
by and by. Oy vay! Kosher ham sandwich. of Lox for breakfast, already yet!
She was a porn star.
Savannah. I'd roar on that.
Died at twenty-four.
by Darth Whorrendous of Wrap it up good, boys and girls!
High polliwog cheese.
Thigh fuzz ad hiring boar runt.
Whore deaths smiles white grout.
by I swear it's the truth!
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I rise.
Where's my Meow Mix?
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I riseâ
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
Of all the big cats
Lions are the laziest
Get to work lions!
by Starkitten of Bed
My apologies
I was admiring your cunt
Your breath smells like trout
by Polite Poet of Polite Poet Section
Love it when you smile
Your teeth are rotten but cute
I bet your breath stinks
by Serious about Poetry of Under old willow
Remember the times
Grandpa fucked store mannequins
Everybody smiled
by Smiler of Smiles for Everyone
Poop feces shit dung
fecal matter excriment
diarrhea crap.
by You know you love it!
Fecal matter pie.
Get yours today at IHOP.
This one's just for you.
by You're welcome. of Now send money.
Dead frog in the street.
I chucked it like a frisbee.
Fifty meter toss.
by Aerodynamic amphibian carcasses. of $2 each. Or buy 12 for $10.
I'll be Bin Laden.
That's my Halloween costume.
Enough time has passed.
by Infidels! You're all infidels!
Now do my bidding!
Go forth and collect Reeses'!
Take eggs and TP!
by Darth Sucrose Addict
I'll send out my kids
dressed as the spawn of Satan.
Pretty much the truth.
by
Candy corn is gross.
Tootsie Rolls are even worse.
You buy them, you suck.
by Trick or motha fuckin' treat, bitch! of Bust a cap in yo' ass!
Children are evil.
They are so disappointing.
Just like their parents.
by
I have a strange cat.
It sings for no good reason.
Is it me that's strange?
by
Butts and private parts.
Verse of the infantile arts:
Naughty Darth. Poops. Farts.
by Darth's Dead Angel of Haiku
Identifying
as a black haiku poem.
Count my syllables.
Know what I'm sayin'?
Don't use no enjambment here.
Oh, shit I just did.
by My bad. of It's all good, mo fo.
I just vomitted
my Wendy's chilliburger
onto a cop's shoes.
by DW -- identifying as a drunk driver of on my way to jail for a long time and I deserve it.
Please don't chop me down.
I make oxygen for you.
And give homes to birds.
by Darth Whorrendous of Identifying as a tree.
Cannabalism,
bathroom humor and large dinks.
What more could one want?
Oh, let's write about
vegetable gardening
and doily patterns.
by Grandma Darth of Identifying as elderly female. Want my SS check!
Play Nature's Ring Toss
All you need is a boner
and 12 glazed doughnuts
by The inventor of Bakery (again)
Can't thank you enough
I enjoy reading your work
Whilst I'm on the can
by Just unloaded something of That smells 4,000 years old
Bathroom humor is
an ancient and dishonored
poets' tradition.
by 4000 years old! of Or more!
It is time to start
writing less boring haiku
on usual themes.
by Darth of 4 Year-Old Bathroom Humor
Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant
by Bill Nye of Science Guy
Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man
by Explainer of Unexplained
But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.
by Jay Leno, of course. That's no garage - that's my harem!
Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink
by Nervous passenger of Passenger seat
Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.
Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!
"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"
by Bowel movements fecal matter.
Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.
by Do zombies have hollow weenies?
I dreamed of you all
And it became a nightmare.
I never woke up.
by Bloodfire of Vampire
When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner
by Nostrildammedup of I mean, who didn't see this cumming?
When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner
by Nostradongus of Upcoming Events
Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.
I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.
by Psst, hey, wanna buy some car insurance?
One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!
by Vampire of Bloodfire
Anastasia. Wow.
Last name Dragomirova.
Watch that Greek girl jump!
by Pan-Hellenic Games of Blue Sports
Where is Wong Lo Fan?
I hope he is still fighting
For the right (not wrong)
by Kalifornia Uber Alles of DKs
I now surpass me.
I now transcend my own verse,
Ascending Godward.
by Sighting the Portals of Haiku Heaven
Listen to Salty.
Salty possesses pure truth.
Now let the salt flow.
by Sodium Chloride of Sublimity in Salinity
Haiku of haikus:
Your eyes bring this to your brain
Because I own you.
by Your Friendly Omnipotent Overlord of Telepathy
Listen to wahmen!
Wahmens has the ovaries.
Mens has no menses.
by Moon Has Control of Matriarchy
Ah ain't no ways tired.
Just happen to have hot sauce
Here in my hand-bag
by Hillbillary of Hellarious
More gentle verse please.
More mindful centered haiku
About demon food.
by Curse Your Name of My Name
Bro! Vindicated.
These psychotics cook their own,
then serve with white wine.
by Franky of Human Bratwurst
It's a one time thing
When you deep fry your own dink
Personal Corn Dog
by Pesto of Bird Nesto
