It has come to this
Wiped my ass on the ship

Sentient veggies.
Listen to them scream in pain.
Makes burgers more fun.

Adrift on the sea
What looked like a snake or eel
Feces overboard!

New GMO corn.
Aware of the fact it will
come out in your poop.

May you find a large
bobbit worm in your swim trunks.
Emasculated.

Golfing is so fun
Especially ball washing
In front of others

Let's work together
Spread
happiness with poems
Ok spread your legs

Unburden your load
Un cream the old cannoli
Depork the sausage

When God boned Mary
(Deep Voice) "Was it good for you?"
Coming from the clouds

The medical term
For pussy is vagina
That makes me chuckle

Exalted heaven
Angels, God's Holy Spirit
And down below, Darth

Hard times for poets
All the best words are used up
But we soldier on

Jizzum jiggledJiggled
Wee piggies wiggle wiggled
I shit in your face

Sorry Figpucker
You became boring again.
That dull naughty talk...

Got neck vagina?
Try our discrete horse collar
In orange, of course

Psychiatric Help
You will not find any here
Consult the phone book

Blowjobs are boring
Repetitive and mundane
Yet I enjoy them

jesus sucked my dick
Then god gave me a rimjob
Because,hey,why not?

Time to take your meds
We can't have you acting up
In the library

I'm at the prison
All douched and ready to go
Conjugal visit

I once referred to
Cum as seminal fluid
And began to cry

I beat up jesus
Because he stole my girlfriend
And then fucked my wife

Indeed it was, sir
He s quite fond of getting smeared
With

Indeed it was, sir
He

Was it a dachshund?
Please tell me it's a dachshund.
Fucking hate those things.

Unless they're in soup.
Add to the creamy goodness.
And yapping no more.

Meticulous wank
Father cleaned every smidgen
Off the neighbor dog

I oft jizz my pants
when K-pop girls bend over.
Thank God for YouTube.

Fucking statistics.
Math with vague definitions.
Is it even math?

I hate statistics.
Statistics teachers are shit.
Pure evil douche bags.

Someone snorted meth.
Writing bad haiku all day.
I think I like it!

Talking bout a nerd
Such a ridiculous nerd
Nerd right to the core

Now Available
A Brief History of Dung
I forgot to flush

Baked to perfection
Modern Japanese cheesecake
Kimono tent pole

Who reads poetry?
Blonde air head receptionists
Bird cage residents

Who reads poetry?
Substitute teachers on break
Outhouse docents

In my father s house
Insipid foolishness
Voodo and ill will

In my father

Hookers play rugby
Whores suck your dick for money
Hookers are NOT whores

I came too early
How long have we been dating?
You should expect that

Who reads poetry?
Bad poets, wannabe bards,
dissident misfits.

Who reads poetry?
Violent criminal street thugs
and the POlice, too.

Who reads poetry?
genderqueer feminist nuts
and disgruntled fools.

Who reads poetry?
Milquetoasts and tax accountants
(and dashing villains !)

Who reads poetry?
People tripping on acid,
Preparing for death!

Once, in my honor
Someone chucked a huge onion
Breaking a window

Who reads poetry?
People waiting in airports?
Laundromat patrons?

I

Front porch rocking chair
Grandpa fucked an old dead fish
And ate it for lunch

Bagel forehead bride
Tonight your hymen is toast
Served up with a schmear

Colonoscopy
But the cleanout was half assed
Test results were fudged

Parasites are gross
Wish I had a microscope
Spray me with napalm